Can't Be Arsed So I'll Keep It Brief

Hmm. Well I was going to have a long rant but now I can't be arsed. So the main things hacking me off today are, E had me waste 3 hours of my life looking over a wrong Inland Revenue fuel claim for Oct 05 through March 06 when he should have had been looking at April 06 through Sept 06. I wasn't a happy bunny.

Then this guy from Nexus had a go at me because I couldn't tell him off the top of my head how many people we transport in a week. He was like - "you should be able to". So I was like "can you tell me how many Nexus transport??" He couldn't so he shut up & didn't bother me again. Complete wanker.

So then Im all happy coz Im going shopping tomorrow - til I got home & my mam told me my dad's made a miraculous recovery from his man flu (which has had him laid up in bed for two weeks btw) and he will be coming shopping with us. Im foaming. My mam's spat the dummy out & says she won't be shopping properly IE going into everyshop, taking a coffee & cake break then going back round the shops again & generally being our the house for 8 hours at least. My dads idea of shopping is look in a few boring shops like the DIY shop, pound shop & the gadget shop & being out the house for 3 hours maximum & thats including dinner.

Men are fucking useless. Im so pissed off at the thought of my perfect day ruined. He's already ruined my Thursday off by having the workmen out at 8am to look at our boiler. I wasn't planning on getting up early on my days off, god damn it. Now I have to so that Ive showered etc before they mess around with the bloody hot water. Argh!

Ciao folks.

TJ

The Second Ice Age

Aah isn't he just the cutest?? I've made it my resolution to get a British Bulldog when I can afford one / persuade my parents to let one in the house / find the time to devote to it. I'd call it Winston Churchill if it was a boy & Vivian if it was a girl - I don't know why!

Anyway, I swear there were icicles hanging from my office ceiling today. It was literally warmer outside than it was inside & bear in mind its not even snowing. It felt like the movie "The Day After Tomorrow", a point that didn't go unnoticed by R & AF.

Im so excited about my days off this week - you'd think I'd never had a day off work before in my life. Im so happy I could dance a jig! I really need a break to regroup & clear my head. Hate only having 21 days hols a year, its so restrictive. Not mentioning any names but certain people have long weekend breaks away without taking them off their alloted days leave. All I get out of 21 days is a week away at New Year, a two week main holiday & a few days spare for when we are closed between Xmas & New Year. All my mates either work part time (for the same money as me as it goes) or work flexi time.

I love flexi time. I think we should introduce it into our office. Its great. Work hard enough & you could get "free" days off that don't eat into you annual allowance. I always got two extra days off a month which could be used for a long weekend away. I miss those. Of course I did go with boyfriends of the time or my best mate but we've fallen out & haven't spoken for two and a half years & I'm happily single at the moment. Though not for the want of trying on J & MR's part but thats another story.

Ciao for now! x

TJ

Crime & Punishment, Fingers Crossed & Eww Ugly Dog!!!

Oh my god. Isn't that just the freaky looking dog you've ever seen. T sent me it in an email to cheer me up - er right coz that really worked! - this morning & I just had to freak the rest of the world out too. Apparently its called Sam, lives in America & has won tons of Ugly Dog Competitions. Im not surprised. God I love most animals but even I'd find it hard to love poor Sam there. Eek!

Back to business. Im being punished for my protege's uselessness yesterday. I've been given the job of putting last years petty cash account right. It was messed up last year by a Sage trainer J gets in but J doesn't believe me & blames me for messing it up. Its incredibly annoying. Anyway as she says its my mess, I have to fix it but fix it I can not so quite frankly it'll have to stay wrong. I've tried every way I know (& even some I don't!) but I haven't a clue how to make it right., I know whats wrong, which is a small help. I phoned & emailed T coz he can usually find things I can't that are right in front of my noise but even he is at a loss. On the plus side we've been creative with how to make the numbers tally up a bit better, hehe.

Just had a thought re yesterdays chocolates. What if they weren't for me? They might have been for D. Doesn't matter now since I shared them out with everyone in the kitchen yesterday arvo.

I've got my fingers crossed that my ante post Grand National winning bet actually makes the race. He isn't too hot at the moment & is having knee trouble so may bypass Cheltenham in March. He also heads the h'cap which is another negative when then the weights were announced on Tuesday gone. My other EW antepost bet is nicely h'capped although he's always unlucky in running & gets brought down by loose horses. Grr.

It looks as though MR is moving. He's been moving stuff out of his office all day & when I bumped into him this arvo he had borrowed R & AF to carry boxes & empty ring binders. I commandeered the ring binders for us (saves money on stationary orders & we are a charity) & asked him what was going on. He didn't have time to chat & all he said was "just tidying up for the accountants". I don't if he's being honest or not but its all very suspicious behaviour for him.

And finally an update on us being sued. Our lawyers have been informed that the investigation company has found our driver to be 50% responsible for the accident. They aren't taking into account the fact that the damage she claims we did is actually old. They wouldn't talk to our secret witness who could back our claim up. Oh well. Yet again I think the British justice system will fail the innocent. It really comes as no surprise anymore.

Ciao for now.

TJ

Valentine's, Unjust Bollockings & SMR

Happy Valentine's Day

Alright, alright, I know I went with a mushy pic today but if you notice the arrow piercing said heart it shows quite nicely how shitty love can be. I arrived at work today to find a box of chocolates on my desk. Not entirely unusual for the boys to do that as appreciation for all my hard work (usually when J & E are on holiday) but my protege D insists on reading something more into it. So she's been trying to figure out who put them there all day.

She's narrowed it down to B as he was very agitated when I wasn't at my desk but in having a much missed gossip with JK across the corridor, R because he's just always flirty and he offered me his wages today - till I pointed out the cheque was made out in his name & MR because he kept popping into the office with what she called feeble excuses - he wanted to borrow our paper shredder / staples / printer paper. So he forgot to order some stationary, big deal & he has used our shredder before. Sheesh.

My day got progressively worse when I got a bollocking (over the phone mind you) from J who was on a course all day with E. Anyway I got told off because D apparently took too long to answer the phone, proceeded to whack J on hold for three minutes without even asking who J was. While all this was going on, I was already on the phone to a client so wasn't able to supervise D's actions. The reason why D hadn't asked who J was was because she recognised her voice but yes, she should have told J I was unavailable at present & could she leave a number & I'd get back to her ASAP.

When I spoke to J she wasn't a happy bunny & ranted at me for the above so I was trying to keep my replies neutral (yeah / ok / alright) because D was standing right next to me. The upshot being J's going to speak to D tomorrow. I am not to say anything about it to her in the meantime. But I did. I can't have J blasting off on one of her tangents on the poor girl. Im used to it but D isn't.

I still don't apprieciate being shouted at over something outside of my control. I can't listen in to D's phone calls while Im busy on another call myself.

And finally:- Forget Valentine's Day its SMR Day - god that sounds like a new type of sex act! We launched our SMR Campaign today (Save Insert Name of Dating Agency owner here!) against the site manager. We don't want MR to leave & he doesn't want to go either so we are refusing to pay the rent for the two rooms MR occupies if MR is forced out. We believe money will talk so the site manager will let him stay to make extra money. Well we're hoping he's that greedy anyway!

Hope you all enjoy you're Valentine's Day plans - hehe

Love & hugs

TJ

War Is Over

I'd burst into a rendition of said song but that would be lame. Anyway, something has happened over the weekend that has ended this particular war & we are all getting along merrily once again. That may be because we are being sued by some lying foreign cow over an incident last year (that was her fault entirely by the way). She's probably in the country illegally anyway, but y'know.

So we have got our selves some lawyers & we intend to kick some ass. I had the misfortune to deal with this woman at the time of the incident last year & I took an instant dislike to her. She was pushy, ignorant & of course a complete liar. IE she faked whiplash for months & lied about what damage her car received. We have a secret witness that will testify that the big bump she claimed our bus did to her car had actually been in the side of the car for months prior to this incident. He knows because he was the one she took the car to after the first accident to see about getting the body work sorted out.

Anyway I also want to moan in advance about Valentines Day & the commercialised rip off that it is. I mean if your loved one can't show how much they love you everyday then you shouldn't be with them. Anyone can bow to pressure & buy a card / chocolates / flowers for the sake of one day only. These gestures are purely superficial to my mind & actions over the course of the rest of the year speak much louder than a oversized teddy or over priced meal at a restaurant. Yes alright I am single BUT even when I have been in relationships at this time of year, I have refused to get caught up in all the Valentine's Day nonsense. I mean how the death of a guy in 269 A.D. results in all this loved up crap I don't know. The gross commercialisation is all America's fault when some girl sent the first valentine card in th 1800's. Hell they're even calling it "Singles Awareness Day" now but they've always been fuck wits.

I'd like to see a "Singles With Sense" Day. Or if that doesn't work for the PR guys: a "Haha you've got a nagging partner at home & i'm as free as a bird" day. Why is there so much emphasis on being part of a couple these days? Especially when most of them tend to hate each other. Seriously not one couple I know are happy together. That novelity wore off many moons ago. So I always ask them why stay with someone who makes you unhappy? They don't turn round & say "because I love them" its either "can't be bothered with the hassle" (of breaking up) , "don't want her to get half my house & money" or my personal favourite "coz I can't kill him & get away with it".

Oh, and I have a thought for the day. Someone told me it at work & I thought it quite sweet so I'll share it with you all:-

Enemies stab you in the front
Friends stab you in the back
Lovers stab you in the heart
But a best friend carries no knife

Ciao for now

TJ

Stale Mate & If You'd Like To Leave A Message...

No developments on the war front but I already hate what our office has become. Its far too quiet without the guys & if they are over the corridor & not annoying me it could well spell the end of this, my rant blog for I won't have anything to moan about.

My head is battered today. Not only coz I have to be nice & patient explaining things to D but because I explain things in a certain way - as we come upon them over a course of a working day. For example, I explain what we do with the post when it is delivered or how to process invoices when I have a pile ready to be done. J however keeps poking her beak in bombarding D with information & office proceedures with nothing to back up what she's saying so it goes in one ear, out the other.

With my technique (which Im thinking of patenting & flogging through training seminars across the globe) the person learns through doing. If me & D sit & go through things together, with me explaining things step by step & D completing those steps as Im talking that was she can see what is done because there is work actually on the desk in front of her, remember what is done as she's physically doing it and no mistakes are made as I'll stop her before we get that far.

All in all she's actually quite a willing pupil & I dont mind training her in the paperwork side of things. Its the phones that are the problem. I swear I dont know how to help her improve. I've tried writing a list of questions to go through on each call & she does fine up until the point where she never gets a contact number from a caller or doesn't hear what the person is called but it could have been "john". Actually it was a "Jean" but hey, we all make mistakes. Luckily I am a fountain of knowledge & know our clients inside out & even with a snippet like "Jean" I know all the details such as her full name, organisation info, what she wanted & most importantly, her phone number without having to ask.

I didnt realise I knew our clients so well till D started. Maybe my brain isnt a cabbage after all. In fact I am quite proud of myself. Now if only I could learn a new language or how to dance like Emma & Darren so easily, I'd be over the moon.

Ciao folks.

TJ

Office War Tactic Three: Retreat & Regroup

Ok so things have taken a strange turn at the office: my protege (or replacement depending on who you speak too) has now been given a modern apprenticeship with our company starting from next Monday.

E & JK have moved their war camp to the other side of the corridor which has caused further strain on the office. I hate being caught up in the middle. Oh & my protege (who will be known as D seeing how she's here to stay) has been given E & JK's old office because everyone is used to my lovely smile at front of house. Bullshit. I have never heard such rubbish in all my life.

But I haven't time to be annoyed about that coz we've just found out that MR who we share our building with, is moving out. Or should I say the site manager is kicking him out as he only wants one company to occupy one building - no sharing allowed. Don't ask me why. While we will be sad to see him go & I'll miss my haven of peace when things all get too much with the guys, I'm sure he's wildly delighted to be rid of us noisy buggers. Good luck in your new premises MR!

Ciao for now

TJ

Office War Tactic Two: Camouflage & Stealth

Another gloriously sunny but rather cold day dawned on the battlefield. Actually its been bloody freezing - so cold in fact that our buildings outside pipes froze leaving us without running water so no cups of tea for the drivers, until I suggested someone goes to the building next door for some water. How hard a solution was that??? Dumb fucks. Luckily we have had the toilet pipes lagged since the last time they froze so we had working loos at least.

But these totally unacceptable working conditions were too much for the rugged, tough men & one by one they made excuses to vanish to warmer places all day (R & P's houses in fact). "Reccy of enemy lines," JK & B told me before leaving which is an improvement on just vanishing without saying anything.

Speaking of the "enemy" they were across the water all day in rival territory (not our civil war; our usual war with JT & her rogues) checking out computer systems that will in theory make our lives easier within the office. Ha. Im my experience fancy software screws up all existing programs so nothing works at all & you end up being thrust back into the stone age with mountains of paper & pens strewn all over the place.

But Im wandering. Other wonderful & downright weird excuses were: "I have to check on the cat," said P - he doesnt have a cat. AF said he had to drive R to the medic at the rear rear, which is a military term I am assured. Apparently he's hurt his back - not doing bedroom gymnastics he hastened to assure us. He claimed it just went off as he sat down in his car yesterday afternoon & he couldn't move for a while. As usual in any given group there's always a Doctor. AT reckoned its his kidneys, not his back, caused by too much drinking as the pain only starts when R leans / bends down to a certain point. Coincidently the position he usually stands at around me - no I haven't been out with the voodoo doll before you start. We all know R's love affair with alcohol so AT may well be on to something, despite R protesting he hasn't felt like drinking much lately. Anyway those two vanished soon after this convo.

AT went skip treasure hunting around the business park & no doubt he'll tell me with relish what he found tomorrow morning. Bless him.

This meant I was left to man the fort again - Im not paid enough for this, especially when all I had were morons from Social Services on the phone every five minutes. I don't know who has given them our number but WE DON'T DO INDIVIDUAL PICK UPS - WE ONLY DO ELDERLY / COMMUNITY / DISABLED / SCHOOL GROUPS! For fucks sake we aren't a bloody taxi service. Also had twenty people calling about something called PATS Training. I haven't got a clue about it but according to a leaflet these people have, we are running training courses for it.

After another three or four such calls I asked the person where they'd got this leaflet from & they said the Civic Centre had sent their organisation it. Wonderful. The Civic have apparently said we are doing this training & we don't even know it! We did put in a tender for the contract 18 months ago. Evidently we've won it. Nice of them to tell us that. So obviously we aren't prepared. We have no buses available for the training, our trainer (JK) can't even remember what the course involves as its been that long since he did it & we haven't the Admin staff to deal with the paperwork all this brings with it. Dont you just love the council? Rest assured I've been telling everyone its their cock up, not ours. Im not seeing our company name dragged through the mud for being incompetent by those bastards. We can build our own reputation for being incompetent thanks very much. Just ask JK! x

All of this was prior to lunch. Then it went quiet. Great, I thought to myself. I'll have my sandwich now, while it's peaceful. Oh God must have needed cheering up today for no sooner as I'd thought this, then the phone went. It was B. His bus wouldn't start. Now why the hell he thought I'd be able to start his bus I don't know. He told me he'd tried to phone E but his phone was switched off. Of course it was - he's in a meeting in Newcastle. God damn it. How dumb are these drivers??

I advised him to call JK seeing how its his job to deal with driver problems. Anyhow we managed to find a driver to deliver the battery charger pack to B - in Morrisons car park. Heds only nashed off to do his grocery shopping during work hours. He's bloody lucky E didn't answer his mobile or he'd have been in for a right bollocking.

About the same time as B was getting into difficulties, a school called to say their bus was late. I checked the dairy & worksheets - no sign of a booking. I told her this. She was adament she'd booked it coz she had a fax in front of her. I checked their file - no sign of a fax. Long story short after a zillion phone calls to try & find a driver (to no avail), I reluctantly sent P up to get them just as soon as he'd finished helping B out. Upon phoning the secretary back to say a bus was on its way, she told me it didn't matter as the school had already used their own mini bus to drop the kids off but they still wanted us to pick them back up at 3.40pm. Nice of her to phone me & tell me this while I was frantically trying to scramble a bloody driver together. Anyway, when I finally had a moment to gather my thoughts, I checked the booking sheets record file & lo and behold, she'd booked the bus alright - for the 16th Feb, not the 6th. Couldn't be arsed to call her back & explain this though. Someone else can do i., I did cancel the booking on the 16th though & if thats wrong, then screw it. I don't give a fuck anymore.

Ciao for now

TJ

Office War Tactic One: Establish Combat Zone

Ok so over the weekend battle lines have apparently been drawn & preparations are underway for a full scale war. Don't know what the hell has happened over the last 48 hours coz no one will tell me suffice to say I am in what has been dubbed "No Mans Land" by the guys. No one is talking to each other & if they need to get a message to the enemy; they are going through me. So I guess Im the Comms Command in this skirmish.

Things have not improved at all - in fact they are worse. If thats possible. JK has been on stealth mode all day & vanished into thin air, appearing before me for 0.5 seconds this afternoon to make sure E was coming back to the office. It was only right he kept a low profile as he totally defied J's orders this morning. He was supposed to drop her off at a training course then come back to the office to allocate the Hospice work to AT & B. At 9.45 am he still hadnt come back & the work should have been out by 9.30.

I tried ringing him but he wouldn't pick up his mobile. I can't sort the work out because I have zip sense of direction but I would have (if forced) looked at past Mondays' worksheets to get an idea of which driver usually does which pick up. Luckily AT took matters into his own hands & divided up the work. He has now subsequently joined J's war camp as he was so pissed off at JK's blatant lack of duty / respect for his fellow workmates & more importantly leaving me to clear up his fuck up all by myself whilst trying to train my replacement - I mean assistant - as well as dealing with ordinary office duties.

Speaking of my replacement - sorry assistant - she's nice enough in general but not so hot at the work aspect of things but when I raised this issue with the guys, they told me it doesn't matter that she's not up to scratch because she's cute. I hate a male dominated work place. They further went on to insult me by calling my training / teaching skills into question. I don't see any of them patiently explaining how to answer a fucking phone properly for the gazillion-ith time or indeed helping me out when things get busy.

Except of course R. He patiently waited for 15 minutes this morning while I slowly walked her through receiving cash payments from the drivers. He was very good about being held in No Mans Land on his own time (he only gets paid up till 9am of a morning - he has a very complex contract!) though this isn't usual for him on a Monday if he's had to work the night shift the previous Saturday, which he had - he's usually in a stonking mood due to the reduced drinking time he' s had over the weekend!

And finally, JK passed his PCV driving test last Wednesday but B sadly failed. However B had a last minute resit this afternoon and he passed - so congratulations guys, well done! xx

Ciao for now

TJ

Warring Fractions, Divided They Fall & How The Fuck Do You Spell Conscientious??!!

Extreme?? Maybe. But it feels like Im stuck in the middle of a war zone within the office, as I shall explain. It all stemmed back from yesterday when JK wrongly slagged off J in front of a client; blaming her for his own mistake. Naturally J saw red but she didn't say anything to JK about it. Instead she called our sympathetic Director & head of our Staffing Committee. I duno why so don't ask me. She proceeded to vent her spleen to him. Meanwhile JK just carried on with life as normal.

Overnight it turns out J had words with hubby & our supposed glorious leader, E (he's not physically back in the office til next Monday afternoon) which angered and upset her by turn. So today when she came in she was gunning for JK. They had a quiet but venomous slanging match in the privacy of JK & E's office at about 8.55am which resulted in E & JK deciding to move from their current office to the one across the corridor, well away from us. Eek.

I've lost my play mate in JK. I know he annoys me but he's the one that makes the most time for me within the office & is always there with a hug when I'm feeling upset. Now its going to be too quiet with them all the way across the corridor coz the drivers won't come into mine & J's offices anymore either so I'll loose R too.

* sob *

However on the plus side I might get their old office if our volunteer admin works out as she'll be sat at my existing desk doing the front of house aspect of my job, which frees up my time for the more important accounting side of things. What joy. I wouldn't mind so much if I got a pay rise.

But Im wandering. The office now has a hostile atmosphere with JK on one side, & J on the other. Im stuck in the middle - literally as my office is sandwiched between the two of theirs - & both warring fractions want me to be on their side. While I don't agree with JK mouthing off in front of clients, I also don't agree with J going straight to a Director. She should have raised the issue with JK himself when he got back to the office instead of ignoring him & sulking like a two year old child.

There's a book running on whose side I am actually going to join. J's the favourite amongst the guys coz I work with her more but I personally have a soft spot for JK. This is all so wrong. We have enough people trying to tear our business apart without us turning on each other.

So this is my plea for peace because all this has distracted everyone's attention to what was going to be my big grievence speech today. Now I have to wait till a more appropriate time by which time I'll have forgotten what I wanted to give everyone grief about!

On a happier note I bumped into MR with whom we share this shit hole of a building - in the toilets! I was actually on my way to the kitchen to find R & you have to pass the toilets before you get to said kitchen & MR was in there with the door open. Have to say for all he's not very tall he is rather a big boy & wasn't remotely fussed that I'd clocked him. In fact we proceeded to have a conversation while he carried on with his business, which then spilled over to coffee (yes he did wash his hands) in his office. He said I didn't look very happy today which isn't me as I usually always have a smile for everyone. Anyhoo, with a brand new audience to moan at re work & my cough from hell I filled him in on all the gossip.

He offered to fix me up on a date - he runs a dating agency but its for professionals like doctors, lawyers, accountants, business men & women etc & is rather expensive to join at £2,500 a year membership & thats just the very basic type of membership! I declined his offer. He said I could change my mind at any time & he'd do it for free. However it's not his clients I want & he knows it!

Still, they say we always want most what we can't have & quite frankly I was just glad to have someone to talk too after hardly saying anything all day. Plus it was nice to escape the war zone for half an hour so thanks MR!

And finally. How the fuck do you spell the word "conscientious"?? I am convinced I am right & according to microsoft word I am indeed correct. J however wouldn't have any of it & so spelt it her way (conscientios). Now she does often cut her own nose off despite her face when it comes to being being right about something & she isn't because she refuses to acknowledge she's wrong. But on this occasion she needed the word for a poor volunteer's reference to accompany his job application form. Also what's the point of a dictionary when you already need to have some idea of how to spell the word in the first place before you can even look it up??!! To think the person that invented it made their millions using this scam.

Well thats your lot for this week.

Ciao folks xx

TJ