Office War Tactic Two: Camouflage & Stealth

Another gloriously sunny but rather cold day dawned on the battlefield. Actually its been bloody freezing - so cold in fact that our buildings outside pipes froze leaving us without running water so no cups of tea for the drivers, until I suggested someone goes to the building next door for some water. How hard a solution was that??? Dumb fucks. Luckily we have had the toilet pipes lagged since the last time they froze so we had working loos at least.

But these totally unacceptable working conditions were too much for the rugged, tough men & one by one they made excuses to vanish to warmer places all day (R & P's houses in fact). "Reccy of enemy lines," JK & B told me before leaving which is an improvement on just vanishing without saying anything.

Speaking of the "enemy" they were across the water all day in rival territory (not our civil war; our usual war with JT & her rogues) checking out computer systems that will in theory make our lives easier within the office. Ha. Im my experience fancy software screws up all existing programs so nothing works at all & you end up being thrust back into the stone age with mountains of paper & pens strewn all over the place.

But Im wandering. Other wonderful & downright weird excuses were: "I have to check on the cat," said P - he doesnt have a cat. AF said he had to drive R to the medic at the rear rear, which is a military term I am assured. Apparently he's hurt his back - not doing bedroom gymnastics he hastened to assure us. He claimed it just went off as he sat down in his car yesterday afternoon & he couldn't move for a while. As usual in any given group there's always a Doctor. AT reckoned its his kidneys, not his back, caused by too much drinking as the pain only starts when R leans / bends down to a certain point. Coincidently the position he usually stands at around me - no I haven't been out with the voodoo doll before you start. We all know R's love affair with alcohol so AT may well be on to something, despite R protesting he hasn't felt like drinking much lately. Anyway those two vanished soon after this convo.

AT went skip treasure hunting around the business park & no doubt he'll tell me with relish what he found tomorrow morning. Bless him.

This meant I was left to man the fort again - Im not paid enough for this, especially when all I had were morons from Social Services on the phone every five minutes. I don't know who has given them our number but WE DON'T DO INDIVIDUAL PICK UPS - WE ONLY DO ELDERLY / COMMUNITY / DISABLED / SCHOOL GROUPS! For fucks sake we aren't a bloody taxi service. Also had twenty people calling about something called PATS Training. I haven't got a clue about it but according to a leaflet these people have, we are running training courses for it.

After another three or four such calls I asked the person where they'd got this leaflet from & they said the Civic Centre had sent their organisation it. Wonderful. The Civic have apparently said we are doing this training & we don't even know it! We did put in a tender for the contract 18 months ago. Evidently we've won it. Nice of them to tell us that. So obviously we aren't prepared. We have no buses available for the training, our trainer (JK) can't even remember what the course involves as its been that long since he did it & we haven't the Admin staff to deal with the paperwork all this brings with it. Dont you just love the council? Rest assured I've been telling everyone its their cock up, not ours. Im not seeing our company name dragged through the mud for being incompetent by those bastards. We can build our own reputation for being incompetent thanks very much. Just ask JK! x

All of this was prior to lunch. Then it went quiet. Great, I thought to myself. I'll have my sandwich now, while it's peaceful. Oh God must have needed cheering up today for no sooner as I'd thought this, then the phone went. It was B. His bus wouldn't start. Now why the hell he thought I'd be able to start his bus I don't know. He told me he'd tried to phone E but his phone was switched off. Of course it was - he's in a meeting in Newcastle. God damn it. How dumb are these drivers??

I advised him to call JK seeing how its his job to deal with driver problems. Anyhow we managed to find a driver to deliver the battery charger pack to B - in Morrisons car park. Heds only nashed off to do his grocery shopping during work hours. He's bloody lucky E didn't answer his mobile or he'd have been in for a right bollocking.

About the same time as B was getting into difficulties, a school called to say their bus was late. I checked the dairy & worksheets - no sign of a booking. I told her this. She was adament she'd booked it coz she had a fax in front of her. I checked their file - no sign of a fax. Long story short after a zillion phone calls to try & find a driver (to no avail), I reluctantly sent P up to get them just as soon as he'd finished helping B out. Upon phoning the secretary back to say a bus was on its way, she told me it didn't matter as the school had already used their own mini bus to drop the kids off but they still wanted us to pick them back up at 3.40pm. Nice of her to phone me & tell me this while I was frantically trying to scramble a bloody driver together. Anyway, when I finally had a moment to gather my thoughts, I checked the booking sheets record file & lo and behold, she'd booked the bus alright - for the 16th Feb, not the 6th. Couldn't be arsed to call her back & explain this though. Someone else can do i., I did cancel the booking on the 16th though & if thats wrong, then screw it. I don't give a fuck anymore.

Ciao for now

TJ