Ante Post Beauties & Strictly Fever Returns

Strictly Come Dancing returns this Saturady & I CAN'T WAIT!! I'm supporting the following people:- Professional dancers, Darren Bennett, Brendan Cole, Camilla Dallerup & Lilia Kopylova. Male Celebrities Gethin Jones & Dominic Littlewood & Female Celeb's Leititia Dean & Stephanie Beacham. However I predict it will be a rugby player or cricketer to win & as there are no cricketers this year that leaves Kenny Logan. You heard it here first. The guys won a shed load on Mark Rampakash last year as even though I hated him I had the foresight to suss out the way the public vote.

I put my first ante post bets down at the weekend for next years races: Flat:- 2000 Guineas Luck Money (40's) & Raven's Pass (5's) / 1000 Guineas Natagora (40's) / Oaks Saoirse Abu (15's) / Derby Feared In Flight (70's) / Grand National Hedgehunter (40's) / Cheltenham Gold Cup Kicking King (50's) & Exotic Dancer (12's) & Denman (7's) / World Hurdle Inglis Drever (8's) & Detroit City (15's) / Queen Mother Champion Chase Monet's Garden (15's) & Fair Along (15's) & My Way De Solzen (12's) / Champion Hurdle Katchit (8's) / Arkle Afsoun (12's). This years bets comprise of Cambridgeshire Fremen (25's) / Cesarewitch Fair Along (7's) & Al Eile (20's) / Champion Stakes Notnowcato (8's) / Arc de Triomphe Mandesha (12's) & Soldier of Fortune (6's) / Breeders Cup Juvenile Filly Proud Spell (7's) Breeders Cup Distaff Lear's Princess (10's) / Breeders Cup Classic Street Sense (6's)

Horses & Strictly aside things have been strained at work to say the least. I walked in this morning to a frosty atmosphere. Im not sure what's going on as I was one of the last to leave yesterday 7 everything was fine then & was only three minutes late in this morning. Someone has upset the apple cart within that short space of time & I can take an educated guess as to who. Though why they have is a mystery. Needless to say no one said much today so in turn I have nothing more to say except ciao for now

TJ

Sneaky & I've Decided To Become A Hermit

Well last Friday was our monthy Committe meeting & the director that hates me surprised everyone by bringing up the subject of my wages. He is pushing for me to have a pay rise (bare in mind I'm still waiting for the other one they promised 18 months ago) & the issue is going to be brought before the Staffing COmmittee "sooner rather than later." Of course while the guys are happy for me I remain cynical.

IE why would someone that hates you go out of their way to get you a pay rise?? It makes NO sense. Until J had a brainwave which I agree with:- he is pushing for me to get a customer service NVQ & this payrise is kind of a bribe to get me to do it. I don't care coz I was just gonna do it anyway seeing as it sbeing paid for by someone other than me then its something physical to back up my claims of being able to be a jack of all trades with an office when I leave this place.

But we shall see. Like everything in here its discussed but never happens like the company pension plan that was supposed to start in January this year but hasn't or staff appraisals that we've been waiting two years for!

On another note I hope everyone had a great weekend. I did up until 12.15am while we were sitting by the sea front waiting for our taxi home at 1am at Whitley Bay. Then this guy started talking to us over the wall so half of our group ignored him in the hope he's piss of & the other half got talking to him. that was fine. Then his mates rocked up. He was much older than his mates. I'd say in his early forties while the rest of them were mid to late twenties. Then all hell broke loose.

One of them vaulted the wall & tried to chat up a cpuple of my mates but even he was ok. A little arrogant maybe but easily handled. It was the guy that sat next to me that was the arsehole. His opening line was "do you know where the north star is?" of course my mate Drea told him the exact longitude / latitude but at the same time as she said her reply I just said "yes". He then asked my name & Drea tols him to fuck off coz he wasn't getting any.

See how protective my mates are of me even when they aren't talking to me coz the guys they'd been chasing in the previous pub ditched them as soon as they clocked me, even though I expressly said I wasn't interested. Im not being big headed here - fuck knows I ain't pretty, I just seem to attract guys (most usually morons) like you wouldn't believe.

Im wandering: he didn't like this & was like "you're all sluts. You're coming back to our hotel". Of course that got our backs up coz we're not sluts & further more were dressed conservatively unlike those on the table next to ourse who WERE sluts coz they did end up going back to the hotel with them. So he slung insults at me trying to provoke a reaction but I just gazed silently in the other direction which usually works coz they get bored then fuck off. It was Drea that traded insults with him. So when he got up to go & dragged me with him (not being very big means its very easy to drag me) it kinda took us all by surprise.

Anyway Drea shot up, his mates (twenty or so of them) egged him on, Rach... fuck once she starts its Armaggedon - flew over the table, dug her newly applied false nails into his other arm which caused him to let go of me & swing that hand in an atempt to punch Rach. At the same time Drea dragged me backwards meaning his punch just missed smashing into my jaw & as he was a hell of a lot drunker than us, Rach had the time to let go & avoid the punch too. As his mates laughed their heads off & he continued with his insults another of our group (not sure who) had gone to get the police that were waiting round the corner.

Once the guys saw the cops walking toward them they scarpered, dragging the afore mentioned sluts with them. I hope they've fucked off back to Cheshire where they belong. How dare they come up here & ruin our night out. If it hadn't been for my mates I could have been beaten & raped. It's not on. I shouldn't need an armed escort on a night out. I should be able to enjoy myself as much as they next preson free from fear. I'm seriously not going out for a while; I'm too scared. We have decided that in future if we go to Whitley Bay we're leaving at midnight before the sluts & morons come out to play.

Ciao for now

TJ

D'ville:- I'm fine contrary to reports I have topped myself after losing a measly £260 on Spitfire - if Lucarno had lost I might have been more tempted & there is still time yet if my Lewis bet goes astray! I just couldn't be arsed to type an entry. I go through phases like that so panic not.

Just A Quick One

The guys have added another sign to the "How you know you're in love" list, which is when you take a drink from the same bottle etc as each other without wiping the top. I suppose they have a point coz looking back even with my closest male & female friends I wipe the top before taking a drink. Strange. Guess its subconsciously coz you kiss the person anyway that you don't mind their "germs" as it were.

All was calm at work as we are fully staffed (minus the non American who has been given his marching orders though he wasn't in again today & we have unconfirmed reports that he has been in hospital) & I got a black leather purse & a red jewel flower brooch as "bribes" from my bosses latest trip but more importantly, I have an impromptu day off tomorrow (brought on by my bosses guilt after my stressful two weeks) & I'm hopefully going to spend some of my Lucarno money on a nice designer dress from Karen Millen.

Anyway I am off to take a relaxing bath then start on the cocktails. Life couldn't be sweeter.

Ciao for now

TJ

Faith? What Faith? Lucky Lucarno Saves My Hide!

I did not keep my faith with Spitfire D'ville but with an ante post bet at odds of 12-1 with the syndiate guys, I don't care! I told the world to get on Lucarno (who I love twice as much having seen him in the flesh *swoon*) after York I think but we'd already put our money down after his Derby fourth. At last one of the bloody ante post things come in. We've had bad luck this year & we are revising our next year Classic bets so hang fire on those I flagged up a while ago. He also cancels out the money we lost on the Eagle Mountain bets. I'm still breathing a sigh of relief with my "Lewis Hamilton to be world champ" bet at 25-1 .... come on boy dont let me down.

I'd join you on your hols if only I could with my share of Luc's profit, £1950 - still it means I can buy my watch now without disturbing what Im now calling my "racehorse fund". I WILL own a bloody racehorse one day. Or I could save it & put it with the Lewis money & we could have a world cruise on the Queen Mary 2. Fuck the time off: I'd quit!

Ciao babes

TJ

Divine Punishment

I can only assume the non American has got a job as he didn't show in nor phone again today. Whatever happened to manner people. Having said that his placement officer seemed surprised when I told him the non American wasn't in & even if we didn't know fi he'd got a job or not you'd expect the benefits scheme to know... wouldn't you?!?!

As usual when we are semi staffed the phones were quiet. I work with a right Irish bunsh; they skive off through the week then come in on a Friday! Surely it should be the other way round. Anyway all the bits of equipment that are supposed to make our lives easier went wrong. The photocopier jammed & as its in the most ackward position imaginable it took us a while to figure out how to move it far enough to enable me to squeeze my small hand into its innards to retrieve the offending bit of paper. I always get nominated for these potentially dangerous jobs.

Two printers packed in full stop & another's photocopy functions doesn't work, the fax machine has decided to start & print out half a fax (either the top bit or the bottom bit) so to pass the time we took 50p bets every time it sprung into life which half of the document would be missing - all I'm saying is, I'm sticking to horses! Hell even the telephone's were hit & miss with the lines going quiet or crackling or sounding as though you are on a mobile with bad reception.

The guys are unanimous in their decidion that it's my fault. When I asked how they'd figured that out, B told me ever since I dismissed God so flippantly the fortnight from hell started. I point out a God wouldn't be that unjust & cruel but he said of course he would, God is vengeful & having tried the nice approach to get me to acknowledge him but failed, he's trying to bring me to my knees (literally) in a more unpleasant way. I said all he had to do to get me on my knees is to ply me with drink, which raised a knowing laugh from everyone but B who takes these matters seriously. Ok I admit he is right & I may well have been open to the idea of there being a God till I was told that my beliefs 16 years in the making are completely wrong. I don't react well to being told I'm wrong especially over issues that are important to me so any progress I'd made instantly evaporated.

To keep certain people happy & in the vain hope I don't have to repeat them a million times tomorrow, & even though I know that nothing worse than the fourth/fifth favourite will win, here are my selections for Leger day:- 2.10 Maze 2.40 Judd Street 3.15 Lucarno 3.50 Wake Up Maggie 4.20 Spitfire 4.55 Classic Punch 5.30 The Illies

I had two jokes for you as well but I've forgotten them. They weren't very good so it's no great loss! Ciao for now

TJ

D'ville:- I don't respond to begging. By the same token as the founding stallys bit I was pndering doing a piece on how the likes of the Classics got their names but I don't know if anyone gives a fuck. Let me know what you think.

From Hell

Again today was manic and of course the non American didn't show up nor phone in so when his placement officer called to check his attendence I told him I was unhappy with it & no doubt he'd be hearing from J first thing Monday morning after my debrief. Im actually looking forward to it now seeing as I'm all fired up. I just hope I still retain my fury over the weekend.

Of course £12k T is back from his hols & asked me where the non American was so I let him have it both barrels as well. £12k T then asked JK the same question & got a glowing report of how great the twat is (its all about jobs for the boys) & what a good job he's been doing all week.

Er hardly. He only works here four days & last week he put in two days & buggered off early twice & this week so far he's put in one day & still buggered off early. The question now is who does £12k T believe? If we really want to fight about it we can check the CCTV footage. Bet you lot forgot about that. I haven't.

I'd write another list of what went wrong today but I can't be arsed. I'm off to drink cocktails. Sex On The Beach anyone??

Ciao for now

TJ

D'ville: Thanks for the email honey it's a GREAT list. Im real eager to find out about them... just not so eager to turn that into a blog entry, so bare with me! I really had NO idea you were into horse racing. Why didn't you say something before?!

Too Mentally Drained To Rant

This pic is for me (my all time fave Johnny D pose) in an attempt to curb my anger. I can't begin to go into detail about all that was shit about my day so I won't.

I will give a general list though: constant phone calls, several client complaints, rudeness, incompetence, skiving, half arsed efforts at actually doing some work, refusing to carry out instructions, swearing at old dears, anothing day off for an interview (yeah fucking right mate) incessant whining that it too busy when the same person whined it was too quiet over the school hols ( I did warn him to make the most of it) then blatant bribes to try & stop me from handing in my damning War & Peace like dossier of what's been going on while E & J have been away.

Guess what. I won't be bribed. The "i don't give a fuck" attitude & the swearing at an innocent old dear was the final straw for me. Up until then I was going to edit my report. You only have yourselves to blame people.

Right, Im off to research my next hapless victim - I mean beautiful noble racehorse for my other blog which takes a while to do so I'd best quit the chatter & fuck off.

Ciao for now

TJ

D'ville:- BTW it's GIMcrack not the gym you go to perv over hot chicks. They are both on my original list of horses to cover actually so panic not. Feel free to submit anymore sensible suggestions & not these modern day wannabes. I want to concentrate on the true legends for the moment.

A One Woman Show & Divorce Courts

(This pic is for my girls - you wouldn't kick that out of bed in the morning!! xx)

After another day in hell I'm seriously tempted to jack it in & get a much better paid job stacking shelves at a supermarket. Seriously, these people get £8 an hour - way more than what I get. Anyway, where to start? Well JK vanished to go to the dentist. Where does his dentist have his practice? Bloody Australia?! He was gone all day. Our non American took prolonged & frequent fag breaks so you can imagine how much help he was.

In the meantime I am fighting against the back log of bookings from yesterday until 10.30am & that put me further behind all day. I should have been able to delegate the bookings to the non Yank while I did the client invoices & tidied up their accounts but as he can't be trusted it didn't happen.

Then if we didn't have a fuel crisis. The garage we use was closed. We didn't know this until we'd sent three buses up to be filled (each wasting a valuable 12 miles worth of Diesel in the process I might add) & they returned with all the driverslooking puzzled. AT suggested we go to a different garage & pay cash until I pointed out they wouldn't get their money back from J. So it was up to me to solve the problem & as I was about to spout a torrent of blue language a United States Marine would have been proud of; I had a trademark TJ brainwave. IE Siphon the fuel out of the buses we weren't using & put it in the ones we were using. C'mon, am I fucking genius or what?

On top of all this I am going through a difficult emotional time as R is divorcing me. He informed me the papers are in the post & proceeded to hit me. So I punched him back in his stomach (we have quite a violent relationship) & its war . I want the fucking lot buddy - including your brand spanking new car. Oooh spanking, meep! xx

Ciao for now

TJ

TGI Friday & Simple Minds

The above pic is for my boys btw - & you say I don't love you! x

Anyway its just a quick-ish one as I'm off to get ready for a celebratory meal - partly to celebrate my sis movinf out & also for my dad to celebrate my mam's bday in advance as he is away at work on the big day itself.

The non American was off skiving again today claiming he had another interview. His presence was still felt though as he's left three dirty coffee cups about the office. We had a mini meeting & elected to leave them on his desk for his return on Tuesday. We don't mind washing up after each other coz we each take our turn but he doesn't. He's very selfish & lazy so he doesn't fit into our little clique's set of unspoken rules.

As the only female I was called in to the kitchen by the guys to judge if a "rude" poster of that Posh Spice wannabe from Big Brother (who R said I'd look like if I cut my hair... yeah right. I'll NEVER have that good a body!) was offensive. I looked at it for a moment & said, "yes I find it offensive" & they were agog as I don't usually give a fuck re pics of women lounging around in their underwear / topless / naked.

To explain I went to the poster, took it down, folded it over so her face was gone & then stuck it back up. It was just her face I found offensive not her body & so with relief sweeping through them, they left the poster as was but put it higher up on the door so that (& everyone does this bar me) when they look through the kitchen door window it looks like they have a lingerie clad female body. Oh how they laughed their heads off all day long. I tell you, simple things please simple minds!

Ciao for now

TJ

D'ville:- Did you know you can get Spider-pig tee's on E-bay? I want one but they don't come in my size godamnit. I think he should get his own spin-off series. I have soom really cool ideas for it... how much do you think it would cost to buy the rights to piggy from the genius Matt G?!

An Unhealthy Addiction & A Dawn of Realisation

I have an unheathly (quite literally) obsession with Cheesy Dorito's. I'm not sure why this obsession started but I do get them for certain food at times. Last month it was cherry tomatoes (not just any ones though - they had to be Spanish!) which at least are a healthy option. If the Dorito one carries on at this pace I'll be double my current weight in a bloody month & none of my fabulous jeans will fit me *sob* & unless its an immaculate conception I AM NOT having the cravings of a pregnant woman, thank you R!

Speaking of R, we had a right laugh today when I did something trivial for him & he said "I'd marry you tomorrow" by way of a thank you, to which I said I wouldn't marry you & he was like why not? At which point everyone else in the building piled into my office having heard the rumour R had proposed to me but I'd said no. Do you see how theyse things start?!

Anyway, I pointed out the fact R comes in stotting drunk at 6am at weekends, waking the whole household up & that if I was his wife he wouldn't get away with that. I'd change the locks & he'd have to sleep outside. As I was saying this I was walking back & forth between mine & JK's office delivering the mail, with R following me like a puppy. "I'd divorce you in six months," he snapped. "I wouldn't last six minutes married to you," I snarled.

Meanwhile all the guys were looking at each other in puzzlement so R said "Don't worry we're just having a lovers tiff. We'll be fine when we've had our make-up shag." At which point I couldn't keep up my acting & burst out laughing. Sorry babes!

As you may know I have been stuggling with my faith (or lack there of) in recent weeks. Not any more. It dawned on me last night that I am not ready to just turn my back on Poseidon & Epona as I've believed in them for the past sixteen years & that's quite a long time. So go ahead, make your signs I ain't biting anymore because I know my two Gods help me out once in a while & keep all I hold dear, safe & well.

In lesser news our non American didn't show in today then graced me with a phone call to say he had a interview this morning & that he may be in this afternoon. Of course he wasn't. Technically I should have fired him as per J's instructions but I'm not going to do her dirty work for her. That's what she wants me to do so I'm not going to give her the satisfaction.

Anyway I am off to lie down as I feel worse than shit (thank you Mother Nature for blessing me with ovaries - not) slightly comforted in the knowledge that my sister moves out tomorrow. Thank Epona for that. It's only been what?? Eight weeks? Seems like a bloody life time.

Oh yeah & as I know you'll be reading this D'ville: Spider-pig for President!! ;D

Ciao for now

TJ

Without A Paddle & Two Faced S.O.B's

Well as usual whenever J & E are away everyone else treats this place like a holiday camp & skives off. Except me. Fuck knows why but I don't... anyway the delightful cherubs are back at school which meant all the ditzy secretaries were jamming the phone lines frantically trying to book transport for the year. Our non American is neer around when you need him & further more he can't multi task when it comes to constant phone calls.

IE I'll take three calls on the trot before even having the chance to act on the first call wheras he'll take the first one, act on it & ignore the phone if it rings & he isn't finished dealing with the one he's already got. No matter how many times I tell him it doesn't work that way in an office, he doesn't listen. So I've given up. It just proves women are much better at running offices than men.

On top of that my boss E entrusted me with a very important document that needs to be signed by a specific director & sent back to the Government by 6th Sept. I was supposed to call the Director first thing this morning to remind him to pop in & sign it but I got in to find a message on the answer machine left by his wife saying he'd been taken into hospital.

I nearly joined him with heart failure when I heard it. I was in so much disbelief that I had to replay the message two more times. Just as I was panicking that we'd get shut down & it would be all my fault, a trademark TJ brainwave hit me. If Mohammed can't go to the mountain, then the mountain shall go to Mohammed. I took the possibly risky decision of shutting the office & personally hawked by ass to the hospital to get the damn document signed.

How's that for dedication?! Will I get anymore thanks for it?? Will I fuck. Honestly Don't know why I bother at times. Still other than that I got through the day unscathed. What was that J said about me not being able to cope?? It will be interesting to see how our non American does tomorrow. WHich reminds me I am unimpressed with the guys in general & I mustn't be back in their inner circle yet coz word had it that R had a party on Friday & didn't even invite me whereas he did our miserable non American.

It wasn't done out of friendship though coz according to AF, R deliberately spiked his drinks with Sambuco which is fairly lethal at the best of times. When I asked R about it he just grinned & said it wasn't a party at all as there were only himself, AF & the non American there. It was an excuse to get the bastard back for disobeying me. I love you babes!! xx

And finally I have two jokes for you - I meant to post them Friday but got side tracked over my beloved NH racing. So here they are, courtesy of JC:-

Dave, a Doctor was feeling guilty as he'd slept with one of his patients. A voice inside of him told him it was ok. He wouldn't be the first doctor to sleep with a patient & certainly wouldn't be the last. He started feeling better about it til another little voice said, but Dave, you're a vet.

Its scientifically proven that a women finds her attraction for men changes during different stages of her menstrual cycle. At the beginning she finds rugged looking men attractive. During her menstrual week she prefers her men tarred, feathered & with a baseball bat up their arse.

So true. Ciao for now

TJ