The Calypso Curse

Well, first things first. Our syndicate has decided not to participate in Glorious Goodwood as I have only just returned & I'm not up to speed yet & the guys are both off on Thurs 2nd Aug on their hols anyway for a fortnight.

Secondly I am horrendously ill after returning from what should have been a relaxing cruise. I feel sick, dizzy, have a headache & I'm swaying when I sit or stand as though I am still on the Ship doing full speed in choppy waters. Not content with that the whole ship was pretty bacd. For example, the restaurant didn't have many of the wines they had on the wine list, the casino never opened once, the air conditioning broke on day two & that meant (with the 40 degree temperatures outside the entire metal body of the ship, which retained the heat) we all nearly suffocated when we went below decks as its not like you can open a window to let in some air for they are bolted shut.

In our specific cabin - one of only 4 deluxe suites apparently! - my sofa bed wasn't up to much with its thing almost non existant mattress. So much so that I had to sleep on the floor to avoid springs digging in me, which isn't that unusual for me anyway as I sometimes sleep on my floor at home.

Also in the restaurant the service wasn't up to scratch. The waiters just didnt care, so my dad is going to complain & no doubt get some money back. Having said that, the majority of people we spoke too were also going to complain for the same reasons & also coz some of them had been misled by Thomson's into thinking The Calpyso was a brand new boast when really she is a 40 year old converted ferry! There's a lot of difference between the two I can tell you! The entertainment was sparse as well and there wasn't much to do on the ship in compariosn to the other ships in the thomson fleet so we have resolved from now on we'll only go cruising on the Thomson Destiny.

The destinations themselves were hit & miss. Most were just little sea side villages with a few shops in them where the brochure led us to believe there were many temples & ruins to see. True I enjoyed Epidauras & Nauplion on day three & Ephesus on day six for that reason but the tours with the ship were well over priced. We did the first mentioned tour with the Calypso but for Ephesus we hired a air conditioned people carrier & a local guide named Augus who was very interesting & friendly. We enjoyed visiting the ruins with him although in the end it meant the day cost more than what the original ship tour did but it was worth it for the intimacy. IE there wasn't a crowd of forty eight people thrying to hear what the guide said - it was just myself, my mam, dad & Augus. Besides, some guides we overheard while walking around got the history all wrong ... but I guess they were Americans & they usually do rewrite history to make it more interesting for themselves.

One sight that completely distressed me was at Santorini. You could either get a cable car up to the town from the dock (which we did going up) or take a donkey - although technically they were mules & in no way donkeys! - ride to the top of the mountain. What distressed me was on the way back down. We were going to take the cable car but two huge American cruise ships were also in the bay & they were all heading back to their ships at the same time we were. This meant a two hour wait for the cable cars. We also had to be back on board in 90 minutes times so all us Brits decided to walk down the donkey track. When I say track it was more like wide cobbled stairs winding up the mountain, covered in dried & fresh donkey muck. Nice. I laughed my head off at all the women in stupid flimsy flip flops!

Anyway what distressed me was seeing all the poor mules tied up waiting for customers & having to watch them coming up & down the mountain with fat people on their backs. They looked so sad & pitiful, I was very upset at having to walk past them. Plus we nearly got crushed on several occasions by a train of five mules as ignorant tourists riding them kept slapping the quarters or digging their feet into the mules' bellies to get the animals to walk past the people coming down on foot when it was obvious the mules were trained to stop when a crowd of people were walking too close to them so that they didnt crush any human beings. Instead under such cruel pressure the mules had all the walkers right up against the wall & very nearly standing on people's feet. I myself clambered up on the wall which was a fairly dangerous thing to do as there was a sheer drop on the other side. Luckily as with most equine type of creatures they sense a horsey person a mile off & they calmed down pretty quick once I petted the lead mule nearest to me & quietly told him it was going to be ok. The poor frightened things.

Oh yeah I remembered another thing to go wrong with the ship. On a few occasions we had to use our lifeboats as tenders to ferry us to shore as the harbour was too shallow for the ship itself to venture into. One day, we were watching the crew & captain prepare to sail when we saw there was still a lifeboat in the water. The three guys in the boat were securing the cables ready to be winched out of the water & back onto deck. However once the lifeboat was in position at the top of the winch, the Captain started shouting into his walkie talkie for them to hurry up as we were already ten minutes behind our depature time. He must have made them flustered for the next thing we knew the lifeboat came crashing down into the sea, sending two for the crewmen overboard.

The Captain did his nut yet further which was most amusing to watch - he was a very angry man in general though. After 45 minutes the lifeboat was finally winched into place & secured on board. Of course it just happened to be our lifeboat, didn't it! Anyway from that day (day four I believe it was) on lifeboat eight was out of order to undergo maintenance work. I swear we were lucky not to actually need it as we all wouldn't have been able to fit into the remaining 9 working boats - our fellow passengers were so fat they'd take up two or three allocated spaces. Im sure there are laws against not having enough lifeboats for a vessel.

As all I've done is moan I'll redress the balance a little & say the good ship Calpyso is home to the fantastic cocktail; Kalo Taxidi (means Good Journey) that I discovered on day one & which I drank all holiday long (when not supping Budweiser on my sunbed thorughout the day) & they had me very merry. If you don't know, a Taxidi is made up of blue curacao, lemonade, grenadine & ouzo. It looks a deep royal blue in colour - like the ocean we were sailing on - & tastes like fizzy aniseed sweeties. Yum!

Ciao for now

TJ